The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions as I have attempted to process the loss of two of my dearest friends who were killed in a car accident on October 17th. Nothing can prepare you for a phone call like the one I received. It felt as though bomb went off, leaving my ears ringing and my brain in a fog that still hasn’t cleared. Or like a tornado ravaged our community leaving pieces of my heart and the hearts of those I love displaced, swirling somewhere in the air. The questions that bubbled to the top of my heart, questions that I will never have answers to, left me feeling entirely helpless. I have perused the files of scriptures stored inside my heart and mind, searching for answers, but have come up empty. More accurately, I don’t seem to like the answers I find. The promises that once brought hope seem to have a question mark at the end as opposed to a period, and I have beat my fists against my Father’s chest on more than one occasion. My tears have run dry, I am swimming in regret, and I’m all “hugged out.” Yet today, I sense the arms of eternity wrapping around me, whispering peace, whispering comfort, and reminding me that I will see my friends again someday. And, as my tired, grieving heart sits in wonder dreaming about what Heaven holds, knowing that I too will someday walk through its gates, I am reminded of this one simple truth. Life is a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. -James 4:14
And I am guilty of taking this truth for granted.
I often think about TOMORROW. I have journals packed with thoughts, plans, and hopes of SOMEDAY.
- “Tomorrow I will start taking care of my health, working out, eating better.”
- “Tomorrow, I will start being more present with my kids instead of being on my phone.”
- “Tomorrow I will ask forgiveness, I will forgive, I will let go of bitterness.”
- “Someday, I will be more intentional about writing, speaking, sharing God’s word.”
- “This week I will look for ways to encourage my husband, for ways to play with my kids. I will plan family nights.”
- “I will call that old friend/family member and tell her what she means to me.”
And so on and on it goes. My plans accumulate with each passing day and I have sorted them in stacks of REGRETS, WISH I WOULD HAVE’S, MAYBE SOMEDAY’S.
And meanwhile, I waste my TODAY’s thinking about TOMORROW’s I am not promised.
I cannot change what happened in the events of the past few weeks, although I wish I could. But, what I CAN DO is allow the events of the past few weeks to impact my TODAY’S. I want to live differently. I want to wake each day with these scriptures in mind;
“THIS is the day the LORD has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. -Psalm 118:24
And I will use THIS day that God gave me to extend His kindness, grace, mercy, compassion, and love on the world around me; my husband, my children, my family, friends, etc, and I will stop waiting for tomorrow.
“Listen carefully, those of you who make your plans and say, “We are traveling to this city in the next few days. We’ll stay there for one year while our business explodes and revenue is up.” 14 The reality is you have no idea where your life will take you tomorrow. You are like a mist that appears one moment and then vanishes another. 15 It would be best to say, “If it is the Lord’s will and we live long enough, we hope to do this project or pursue that dream.” – James 4:14 (THE VOICE)
And I will be mindful of the truth that I might not have TOMORROW. Not to sound too cliche but I will seize the day, knowing that today I am still here, I am still capable of glorifying God with my every breath.
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12
And finally, I will seek first HIS kingdom and His righteousness and stop worrying about tomorrow. (Matthew 6:30-34). God will give me everything that I need to walk through this day, and anything it brings.
My prayer is that this tragedy my family and I have experienced will be a catalyst for transformation in the way we live our TODAY’S, and I pray that perhaps it will impact yours as well.
P.S. Even when you cannot make sense of your life, even when you walk through hardship and it seems God is MIA, even when you fall short…..GOD DELIGHTS IN YOU!